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Sorry friends, not a REAL update, but I couldn't help myself.

Apocalyptic Literature
7:45-9:50 MW
Howard-Brook

Elements of Calculus - Business
10:00-10:50 MTWTHF
Sullivan

Philosophy of the Human Person
1:35-3:40 TTH
Burke

Next quarter will be SO interesting

I got a new journal

No, I'm not telling you where it is

:)

Your LJ Friend RPG Party by Jennifurret
Username
Obligatory Love Interest	ameliex
Macho Guy who is really a softy	perfectsquare
Mysterious Girl with Hidden Past	infatuations_
Annoying Little Kid	luvinubunches
The Perfect One that Dies	groovygurl343
Badguy gone Good	mandalyns
The Androgynous Looking One	rockyouricons
Pointless Fanservice Hot One	jedichick13
Furry Useless Mascot	pinkerdroit
And the real villian is...	lovealways1
Quiz created with MemeGen!

I really need to exit myself from those icon communities, they make these so much less entertaining.

:D

Last night I chilled around the house with Brad, which was great. I feel really good about him right now... I'm trying to focus on what we DO have, instead of dwelling on what we don't. I care about him so much though.. its hard.

Tonight should be MUCH ENTERTAINMENT!

wooo!

My jelly mouse-wrist pad thing has popped and made goo boogers everywhere.

So what's new....

I went down the possibly stupid route, Brad and I kissed and made up.  Things will possibly never get figured out with us, but oh well, I just need to let things take their own course.

I've started doing counter sales at work, which is stressful but very fufilling.  Much better than my waste of time old job, but I probably have to go back to it.

Tonight I hung out with timbly and sah-leen-ah and speven, we layed on the road and looked at the stars.

I've seen shooting stars a lot lately.  My wish is always the same.  heh

OMG I AM GOING TO COLLEGE SOON

These past two days...

My tear ducts have been working overtime.

Its just a cycle with me... just another waste of time

I haven't felt this much emotion in a long time

I haven't felt this mix of emotion in a long time

How can I resent someone, be so angry and bitter with them, yet love them so much?

I could try to explain... but it would be too much.  I feel like writing, but not typing, and not here.

How can I be so stupid

You're never a special case.

So I caved and downloaded Semagic to the laptop.  Bad me.

My life is work... work...

sucky.

I am meeting my roommate for next year this weekend, and hanging out with yesenia, wooo

Things with Brad are still strange.  As usual. 

I get so weak to men, its sickening.


I've been hanging out with Jordan somewhat frequently, which has been great :)

I just couldn't pass that one up. Hardy harr :D

So I haven't updated in a while, and I seriously doubt this will be a proper update.

My life is pretty boring. I work a lot. Work is a lot more fun with Steve, Brad, and Joshie poo working. I e-mail and screw around a lot... because I have nothing else to do, however.

I got in touch with my roommate for next year this week. Her name is Jodi, and she seems like a pretty cool girl. I'm excited to meet her and do the whole moving in thing. She gets to move in early because she's a minority though. :/ White discrimination god dammit!

I went and saw Catwoman last night. I think it got a bad rap; its not THAT bad at all. I enjoyed it. Then I saw YESENIA! WOO!

That was cool.

I went to Baker last weekend and partied it up. Steven drank so much he puked all night/morning. Darn those hot tubs anyway. I spread out my drinking so I didn't get sick, although I did pass out from exhaustion. The night before I partook in the ganja with Jordan, and didn't get home until 3:30, then went to work at 8:00. Wonderful.

Well I'm going to go back to work. :)

Okay so I'll make an attempt at a proper update. I got a laptop, so I have been busy playing with that, and I haven't installed semagic on it.

My life has been pretty uneventful. I've been working a lot. Full time... woo? It is good money but still, its work. I haven't done anything super interesting. Sorry. ;)

I've been hanging out with work folk a lot (since basically all my friends work there now). Brad has been setting up computers at my house and whatnot, so we've been hanging out a lot. He's not put off by my family anymore, so that is definitely a plus! I love being around him, so its more than okay with me.

I haven't had *too* many deep thoughts. I've been trying to stay away from those, especially about college. I almost don't want to go anymore, because I'm starting to realize that I'm actually leaving. That is pretty scary. I've thought a lot about love, my future, etc etc, but there isn't anything worth putting in here.

I went to evolution last weekend, and I had one of those "club crushes", where you kind of set a goal to talk to that person. I ended up not talking to them. I am such a wimp :/ That sticks out in my mind because its so unlike me.

I was supposed to buy rollerblades this weekend but so far I haven't. Bad me!

I am pretty exhausted... my body creating all that melanin has taken a toll on my energy. (I sat out and swam/tanned today).

So there is my update. Maybe I'll think of something better later.

Ahh... so much to write about, so little motivation.

California was INCREDIBLE and definitely the best trip of my lifetime (so far). I'm glad I went with the people I did (Steve and Selena)... I can't get tired of those two. There was a *little* conflict but overall it was wonderful. We met Mark, who is FANTABULOUS... and I adore him!

There were so many moments I could write here. But! I just don't have the time or patience right now. I'm feeling more self absorbed. I'll be sure to make the attempt sometime soon though. :)

So now I'm poor, and back at work. Its been alright, I'm busy so the day flies by. Brad started working there, which has been... interesting I guess. I realize that now I need to confront things with him, I can't just ignore it when I see him all day every day. I've been super emotional lately, having reverse homesickness I guess, so everything seems HUGE and crazy right now.

Steve sent me a dozen roses at work today, and I cried. It was just the nicest thing anyone could do for me, since I had been down so much that day and the day before. I was *the* talk of the store though... which was humorous.

I bought many many things on the trip, spent disgusting amounts of money.
Here is a list of my favorites
* A luminous Mary of Guadalupe figurine
* Che Guevera purse
* Two, count 'em, TWO fabulous pipes (for tobacco use only... ahhahahahha), one with a cool dual chamber design, and the other is a glass octopus.
* A Hustler zip up
* A thumbring with Arabic on it
* A NEW DIGITAL CAMERA wooo wooo wooo

So that is some of it. I didn't spend that much on gifts, although I did spoil my sister a lot. I kind of disappointed myself with my gift for Brad, it isn't one of my more amazing thoughtful ones, but hey... I was having a lot of thought about LOTS of things, its just not reflected in the gift.

I came to many conclusions and goals on my journey. Many that I plan to apply to my future and to my present. I think I'm going to get a little more creative and perhaps write poetry or songs about it.

What ever happened to people communicating face to face, on the phone, or even on aim? Livejournal is one of the WORST forms of communcation ever, yet so many people use it.

How about you pick up the phone and make some plans?

How about you have *real* confrontation with someone? Or have *real* bonding time?

sorry, had to rant a little bit

Does analyzing (and most likely overanalyzing) things bring you closer to the truth/right answer/reality, or farther away?

So I'm at work right now. Its almost quittin time... wooo. Then to Steve's, to pick up my truck (I love having an SUV, I get to call it a truck), go home and prettify, and go to Selena's BBQ and meet the CRAZY FAMILY! Excitement! I am totally bringing my giant stitch pinata!

Uhhh... last night was cool, I graduated from CBC, and it was fun because my friends were there. I was sad because it wasn't really a big deal to anyone else, and I got x-tra emotional about it. I was being a bitch then I apologized.

Steve, Brittani, Whitney, and myself went to Olive Garden and it was delicious. I had to stock up on the bread eating, so I didn't die when I drank later that night.

My dad gave us some beer so we started drinking up at Steve's, then Josh came over, we smoked some weed, and it was great fun. I was sad because Selena and Timmy didn't come over, but I blame that one on Jennifer. That girl just puts herself farther and farther out of my good graces, I swear

Jordan called around 11 or so and we chatted for a while. He was going to come up but he was being whiny and said he probably couldn't find it (which was true) so we might hang out today.

I was really boring after smoking and drinking... it was one of the most interesting highs though. My extremities felt tingly, I wanted to rub my feet on things and be touched. It was tons o' fun! I really wanted to just listen to the TV and close my eyes. So then I went to bed and slept like a baby.

I still feel really weird. Damn that was just GOOD shit. I took some chasers (RU-21... a must for working party animals), so I don't feel hungover at all. It just weird semi-highness. The THC is working through my system... eeeee

California is getting all sticky and weird and I just don't care anymore.

Anyways, time to look busy!

Which internet subculture do I belong to? [CLICK] You are a FURRY! You are a sick, sick, individual. Stop lusting over animals! Take off that fursuit and quit yiffing. No-one likes furry art! STOP NOW! More Quizzes at Go-Quiz.com

Today was okay. I took my sexuality final (woo), went to work, went out to lunch with Steve and Josh, which was great fun. Josh got a kool aid mustasche and it was VERY funny!

After work Steve and I stressed about Cali, made some plans and stuff. We've got our work cut out for us, no doubt.

Then I got domestic and made waffles... my next challenge is vanilla malted ones. Yummmm. I'll find someone to test them out on. I've got plenty of hungry boys in my life to feed, so I should be good.

I feel so much less hormonal... free and light and wonderful. I wish I didn't bow down to my hormones so much. It would probably cause me a lot less stress and anxiety.

After Selena got off work we went to Shari's and who is there but Ian.. and I looked uh.. comfortable. Oh well. Austin was there too, I talked to him for a while. I think he has an eating disorder or something. ehhh...

Selena and I talked for a while about things in our lives. It was nice. I have all these thoughts that I need to write down and use in the future. My main problem is that I overanalyze things until they either become huge or dead. Neither of these options is the best one.

I'm wondering about a situation in my life, whether I should get the pain over with now or just let it keep coming in small doses. I don't want to have to be the only one to change how I feel or what I do. It just isn't fair to me.

Men... I hate them yet I love them so. I think I have a mental problem.

Ashley's bits are best described as her "heart-shaped test-tube".

What's yours? Enter your name: MaleFemale
Privates Eye

HAHAHAHHAHAHA

So I thought I'd update:

I graduated from SHS... wooo

My grad party was kind of dramatic at first but overall QUITE fun. Selena needs to build her her alcomahol tolerance! I picked Brad up from Steve's and he was hammered, and that was the drama, but it all got worked out. No one was going to ruin that night for me but myself.

I had a great buzz all night.. I was pretty excited about everything so I slept VERY little.. and kept bothering Brad. hardy harr

There are a lot of funny memories and touching ones, but I'm not overly patient right now. I've tried writing this entry like.. three times but I never got around to finishing it.

It was weird to think that hey... I finally have no obligation to SHS or anyone in it. It doesn't mean that I won't try to rekindle some of my old friendships, but now I don't feel pressured. I realize... after I get my diploma I will have no reason to go to SHS ever again. It is kind of weird.

The whole "graduated" feeling wore off quickly when I had to go to school on Monday.


Uhhh... what else in my life... I am having all these really interesting thoughts about interpersonal relationships which I may publish one day. Maybe I'll be less of a pussy and just start writing some of my thoughts about my own relationships in here.

Maybe I'll put up some pics for your viewing pleasure. ;) granted.. these will most likely be friends-only, so its only for SOME viewing pleasure, but hey, its better than nothing.

adios

1.First Name: Ashley

2.Middle Name: Laura

3.Last Name: Billman

4.Nicknames: Smash

5.Birthday: February 27th, 1986

6.How old would that make you? 18

7.Star Sign: Pisces... check it out the fish are 69ing

More Intimate (Just some more basic questions…only in detail)

8.Righty or Lefty? Righty

9.Hair Color: Reddish with blonde highlights, but its naturally ashy brown

10.Preferred Hair Color: on others, I don't particularly like orangey red hair but the other hair colors are okay

11.Eye Color: Blue/green/yellow... hazel I guess you could say.

12.Preferred Eye Color: Something interesting

13.What would you be wearing right now? I would be naked. Just kidding. Velour sweats, a new orleans shirt, and a sweatshirt of steve's

14.What jewelry are you wearing, if any? Only my body jewelry

This or That (Everybody just LOVES this section)

15.Coke or Pepsi: Coke, diet coke

16.Cake or Pie: Cake, white cake from albertsons

17.Popcorn or Chips: Chips I guess

18.Theatre or Home: Theatre

19.Pants or Shorts: Pants

20.Phone or AIM/AOL: Depends... I prefer face to face

21.Sneakers or Boots: flip flops

22.Pudding or Jell-O: Jell-O pudding... owwww!

23.Winter or Summer: Summer

24.Ski or Board: Board bitches

25.Chocolate Milk or White Milk: Chocolate, yum yum

26.Silver or Gold: Silver

27.Cows or Pigs: Cows usually

Favorites (Is this your favorite section? It’s mine.)

28.Color: Red

29.Number: 9

30.Time of the day: 10:10

31.Day of the week: Fridays or Wednesdays

32.Month of the year: I like a lot of months

33.Scent: Boys. Not stinky ones though.

34.Taste: Taco truck

35.Flavor of pudding: Oreo

36.Flavor of Jell-O: I dunno.. raspberry

37.Flavor of Ice Cream: Brownie flavored

38.Kind of Cake: White albertsons cake

39.Kind of Pie: Banana cream

40.Beverage: Diet coke... or lime jarritos

41.T-Shirt: I like my jack daniels shirt but I don't wear it much anymore

Relationships (Friends...and more)

42.Do you have friends? Yessah

43.I would sure hope so. How many? Only a few close ones

44.Who's the one you secretly hate? I never SECRETLY hate anyone.

45.Who's the one you would die without? Steve and Selena

46.Who's gonne be pissed you sent them this? Since its on my livejournal... no one

47.Who won't give a rats bum? I'm sure someone will be amazed that I updated

48.Have a crush? Who? Sure do... Brad

49.Have you ever had a bf/gf before? I guess

50.Were they good bf/gf material? No

51.How many gf/bf's have you had? Two

52.Who was the best one? Neither was really good

53.Do you have a bf/gf now? Nope

54.Tell me their name:

55.What is your current view on the relationship?

56.What needs work?

57.What's perfect?

58.Tell me...oh I don't know, 5 nice things about your gf/bf:

Guys Section (Fill it out. It isn't limited to just guys)

59.Tall or Short? Medium height

60.Brunette or Blonde? (by the way, blondes are becoming extinct...) Doesn't really matter

61.Long or short hair? More long than short

62.Make-up? Sure, if it makes them look better

63.Short or long nails? Well manicured

64.Jewelry or no? Jewelry

65.Tan or fair? A little skin color is nice

66.Freckles? Sure

67.chubby or anorexic? Curvy in all the right places

68.Shy or outgoing? Outgoing

69. Ok guys, you think this number is funny. Don't you? *snicker*

70.Innocent girl or Naughty girl? Naughty

71.Do you like taking lead in the relationship? Yes and no

72.Do you prefer to make the first move at all times? No, it makes you think its all one sided

Girls Section (Fill it out. Not limited just to girls.)

73.Boxer or Briefs? Boxerbriefs

74.Short or long hair? Short, or longer if well styled

75.Tall or short? Tall

76.Muscles or Regular guy? Muscles or lanky

77.Naughty or Nice guy? Naughty in the bedroom, nice in the living room

78.Do you want a Romantic Guy? Yeah, but not sappy romantic

79.Are hats ok? Yeah, they can be a style addition.

80.Piercings? I like them

81.Do you like Dimples? Yeah

82.How about Freckles? Yep

83.Cutie or macho man? Uhhh... neither?

84.Dark or Light eyes? I like light eyes, or really soft brown

85.Tan or Fair? Tan, or, even better, "ethnic"

86.Jewelry or none? Well placed jewelry

87.chubby or anorexic? Somewhere in the middle

88.Shy or outgoing? Outgoing

89.Do you like to take lead in the relationship? No, you asked this before

90.Do you like to make the first move? Not always

The Random Section (Just trying to add more questions)

91.What's the stupidest thing you have ever done? There are plenty of things that are stupid, that I have done

92.What's the most embarassing thing you have ever done? Uhhh.. most embarassing moment, my dad was drunk and I was on a double date. not good.

93.What's the nicest thing you have ever done? I try to do all sorts of nice things for the people I love

94.How do you get to school? I drive

95.What do you eat for breakfast? if I have time, cereal, if I don't, coffee, maybe a muffin, or mcdonalds

96.What do you sleep in? Sweats and a shirt

97.What color are your bedroom walls? the offwhite of the rest of my house

98.How about your sheets? Purple

99.How many people have been with you inbetween those sheets? Six most of the time. Just kidding, one

100.Wasn't this a fun survey? Well I was in the mood for a survey, so sure

i n f o r m a t i o n
1. name: Ashley Laura Billman
2. single or taken: Singlish
3. sex: Female
4. birthday: February 27th, 1986
5. Zodiac sign: Pisces
6. siblings: One sister. That is more than enough.
7. hair color: Naturally, ashy light brown, right now, a variety of weird reddish tones.
8. eye color: Blue-green-yellow
9. shoe size: 10
10. height: 5’8"

r e l a t i o n s h i p s
1. who are your best friends? Steve, Selena, J-Rum, and even Brad ;)
2. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Nope

f a s h i o n s t u f f
1. where is your favorite place to shop?: American Eagle, Old Navy, Nordstrom
2. any tattoos or piercings: Ears, nipples, nose. I want a couple tattoos, which I will get in a few weeks (cross my fingers)

s p e c i f i c s
1. do you do drugs?: On occasion, and only mari-jah-wanna
2. what kind of shampoo do you use?: Bath and body works color treated hair shampoo and aveda sapmoss conditioner
3. what are you most scared of?: Being alone, emotional anguish, not being successful or happy.
5. who is the last person that called you?: Hmmm.. Brad while I was at work
6. where do you want to get married?: I'm not sure. On the beach, or in France at this certain abbey that was beautimous (but not really set up for marriage)... preferably not at a church.
7. how many buddies are online right now?: Nineteen.
8. what would you change about yourself?: Uhh.. higher metabolism, more motivation to study, more kind and gentle, more comfortable with myself sometimes.

f a v o r i t e s
1. color: Red, purple, orange, pink
2. food: Mexican!
3. boys names: Jacoby, Caden.. I think I'll let my baby daddy help on those
4. girls names: Tenley, Cadence, Shalimar (that is for my beautiful mixed race baby)
5. subjects in school: English, sexuality, geology...
6. animals: Kitties and dogs
7. sports: I like softball. That is about it.

h a v e y o u e v e r
1. smoked?: Yes indeedy
2. bungee jumped?: Sure have, it was cool.
3. made yourself throw up?: Haha.. many times.
4. skinny dipped?: Naked Hot Tubbing 2003! WOOO!
5: ever been in love?: Hmmm. I'm still figuring that part out.
6. made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: No but I cry when I get in trouble. I get so angry that I cry. bah.
7. pictured your crush naked?: Oh, yes... all of them. ;)
8. actually seen your crush naked?: One of them.
9. cried when someone died?: Yes. A lot.
10. lied: Yep.. not something to be proud about.
11. fallen for your best friend?: That would be sad, my best friend is gay.
12. been rejected?: Yeah. Bad times.
13. rejected someone?: Yep.
14. used someone?: I'm sure I probably have.
15. done something you regret?: I try not to regret anything.

c u r r e n t
clothes: sweats, a big sweatshirt, and a harley davidson tee
make-up: just leftovers from the day... I should really work on taking that off
smell: Nothing in particular
favorite movie: all the lord of the rings movies, there are some that I haven't seen in forever but I still love, grace of my heart, saving grace. I think I'll buy those on amazon or something.
desktop picture: Ford shelby cobra concept
book you're reading: One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
in cd player: Prince
in dvd player: I'm not really sure
color of toenails: Metallic pale green

l a s t p e r s o n
you hugged: Not sure. Probably my Grandpa
you imed: Yesenia
you yelled at: hmm... probably my dad or something, but not out of anger
you kissed: Brad

a r e y o u
understanding: So I've been told
open-minded: Very
arrogant: I can be
insecure: More than I let on
interesting: *I* think I am. Isn't that the arrogance kicking in?
random: I can be
hungry: No, the rents actually cooked. Yum.
smart: I think I'm fucking brilliant
moody: I can be ruled by my hormones, but I'm getting better about it.
hard working: About things I care about
organized: In a weird way, sure
healthy: Probably not
shy: Not particulary
difficult: I probably can be
attractive: I hope so. ;)
messy: More like cluttery
obsessed: I can get that way temporarily

R A N D O M
In the morning i am: Tired
all i need is: my friends
i dream about: people I know

o p p o s i t e s e x
what do you notice first: Overall appearance
last person you slow danced with: I can't even remember.. probably Steve. I need to go slow dance somewhere.
worst question to ask: Oh there is a whole slew of horrible questions... I can't think of one in particular that is worse than the rest.
makes you smile: a lot of things... good conversation, silliness, cute things, romanticalness
Who has a crush on you: Heh, I'm never too sure about how people of the opposite sex feel about me.

d o y o u e v e r
sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you?: Not *all* night. ;)
wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: I'd like to be for a day. I want to know how it feels to be a man
wish you were younger: In order to go back and change things, sure, but usually I wish I were a smidge older.
cried because someone said something to you?: Sure have, plenty of times.

N u m b e r
of times i have had my heart broken: A few times.
of hearts i have broken: I like to think a few
of guys ive kissed: I seriously have no clue... not that its an obscene amount.
of girls ive kissed: A few, none really romantically
of continents i have lived in: Just the one I'm on
of tight friends: 3 or so
of cds i own: Like 25 or more.. I burn a lot.
of scars on my body: A few, two really big ones, one from my hip surgery on my left hip bone, and the other one on my right side from my appendix.

F i n a l Q u e s t i o n s
1. do you believe in god? I believe in something.
2. what was the last film you saw at the movies?: Van Helsing
3. favorite disney movie?: The Lion King I think, or The Little Mermaid
4. what did you have for breakfast this morning?: McDonalds... I haven't in for evah
5. who would you love being locked in a room with?: Uhhh... I dunno. All my good friends?
6. could you live without your computer?: Honestly, I doubt it.
7. would you color your hair?: I *do*!
8. habla espanol?: A little bit. I can't say "a little bit" in spanish though
9. what does your room look like?: Its pretty messy, plain, and obviously where I just park my stuff and get dressed and sleep.
10. who is your hero? I wish I had a hero. :/ Maybe my dad.